its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
