Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
