So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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