the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
