Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
