First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
