I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
