Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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