How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
