I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is my gift to your gina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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