i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
