My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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