He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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