she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize