I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
