So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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