You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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