I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
