doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
