Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
