I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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