Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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