If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
