Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
