its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
