Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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