Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
