Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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