It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
