I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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