her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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