I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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