I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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