You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Randomize