garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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