Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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