Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
