I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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