i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
