I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
