Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Farmville is her only friend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
