Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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