I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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