I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize