If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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