Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
