Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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