Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
