This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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