Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just made out with a guy for $7.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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