My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
