so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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