What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
