"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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