apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
