Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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