ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
