16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
