Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
