I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
