i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
