First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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