I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
