well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
