Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
