Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
