I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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