don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
