i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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