I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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