Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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