i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
