Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
