You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
