i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
