i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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