hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He felt like a one man threesome
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
