Buhtt sex?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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