I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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