its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
