Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
