last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want a musical about memes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
