I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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