thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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