I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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