Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
