My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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