When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We are two peas in an std pod
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
