Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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