so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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