I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
