My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
