1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
