And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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