Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
