She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
