one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
