I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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