okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
