garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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