you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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