just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
